Ok, not really bitter. I just had a thought - what if I had married him and everything had stayed the same? The bar every night, flirting with other girls but not his own girlfriend, not feeling like I was sexy enough for him? That would have been a nightmare. I know if he had tried, really tried, and respected me from the beginning, not just in the middle of the relationship, maybe things would have been different. I'm not saying that we wouldn't have broken up but our time together would have been much happier for me. I still love him but I'm starting to realize that things will be better for me now, even if I'm alone for awhile.
I met a friend of Slanger's last night who was talking about his wife. He's been with her for 5 years, married for 1 and when he met her his life was a mess. Now he's gotten his life together and wants to be a better person for her. Just listening to how much he respects and loves his wife and how he talks about her like they've only just met--he has the new relationship high even after 5 years--made me so hopeful. Someday, some great guy will love me so much that he'll talk about me like that. Maybe E just wasn't good enough for me.
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You're right. I know I'm better off but I still miss him. And then I hate myself for missing him. And then I get pissed off at him for making me go through this. Dammit!
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