Big ridiculous things

I was walking to work this morning, rocking some Zombies on the iPod. It wasn't too hot yet and I was enjoying my walk. I was waiting to cross the street and this guy pulls up in a HUGE ridiculous truck. Then, get this, he revs his engine at me! It was hilarious. I seriously couldn't stop laughing after he pulled away. I mean really, did he think I was going to be impressed that his giant gas-guzzler could make that much noise? I have to admit that I was awed that guys in big ridiculous trucks actually think that that kind of thing turns the ladies on.

Speaking of big ridiculous things, I have these huge silly sunglasses that I've been wearing around. They were an impulse buy at the Target and they are dumb but I love them. Anyway, I've noticed that when I wear them, people don't recognize me. It's awesome! I was walking to lunch the other day and I passed three people I've worked with for years. I said hi to all of them and only got blank looks in response. It's a total secret identity, like I'm Clark Kent or some shit.

Sandwiches! Part 2

Man Eats 47 Cheese Sandwiches In 10 min.

(AP) LAS VEGAS There's a rising star on the competitive eating circuit. California man Joey Chestnut downed 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in ten minutes this weekend in Las Vegas to set a world record. That's eleven more sandwiches than the old record of 36.

Last month, Chestnut ate 50 hot dogs. Some say he's a threat to the reigning champ of food stuffing, Japan's Takeru Kobayashi.

Chestnut won the grilled cheese contest sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating, the same group that runs the annual Fourth of July hot dog eating contest at New York's Coney Island.

Sandwiches!

If there is ever a lull in the conversation, just bring up sandwiches. Slanger, Klanger, Sam and I were doing it all weekend and it WORKED EVERY TIME! I'm not kidding, give it a try.

Soooo, how's it going? I like grilled cheese.

Daisies are drunks

Wednesday nights are back! Slanger, Sam and I hung out on Wed at my new digs. It was great. The plan was to hang at the house, have some drinks and then maybe go out. That's not what happened. We were drinking vodka and Slanger noticed that I had some flowers on my table (mostly daisies). She informed me that flowers like vodka. I guess it makes them stand up straight or something, which is the exact opposite of the effect it has on me. Anyway, at this point I'd had several cocktails and no dinner (shortly after we had some delicious frozen appetizers--yeah, that's how I roll) and so I was all, "yeah! the daisies are begging for some vodka action!" and I poured them a stiff one. I wasn't as steady as I could've been so I may have sort of made a giant cocktail in that vase, but those flowers were NOT complaining. In fact, they perked right up (especially those freakin daisies). The next thing you know it's 1 in the AM and Sam and Slanger head out. I go to bed and when I wake up the house is a freaking mess, the whole bottle of vodka is gone and those daisies are passed out everywhere! Daisies are drunks man, and they owe me a bottle of vodka.

So I tried to blog about this earlier while it was all still fresh in my hungover head, but blogger wouldn't let me log in! Asshole blog machine.

The universe strikes again

Ok, so the last time I got dumped by an asshole boy who found a new lady I was really down. I was walking down Broadway doing what I always do when I'm depressed--spending money I don't have. Anyway, I see this drunken homeless looking fellow coming at me. I was getting prepared for the "can you spare some change" interaction and figuring out if I should a) give it to him so he'd leave me alone or b) not give it to him because if I gave it to him he might want to start up a conversation with me (I'm pretty bad at getting out of those). Ok, so I decided I'd give it to him and walk away quickly, then he was in front of me.

This is how it went:
Fellow: "Hey! Come 'ere. I wanna tell you something."
Me: (silence with a look of fear)
Fellow: "You're cuter and smarter than her! Don't you even worry about it."
Me: (silence with a smile)

Then he walked away. Who knows what he was talking about but it was just what I needed to hear just when I needed to hear it.

So anyway, today I was walking to lunch (kinda down cause I just got dumped by an asshole boy, one that I lived with this time) and I see these kids (they looked about 20 or so but I can call them kids now that I'm 30--HA) walking toward me. There were five of them and one of them was playing a ukulele. I didn't think there was going to be any sort of encounter but I was wrong.

Here is how it went:
20-something guy: "Excuse me ma'’am. Could we give you a group hug?"
Me: "Uhhh..Sure."
20-something girl with ukulele: "Really!? We've been walking around asking people all day and you're the first one to say yes!"

Then they all (there were about five of them) crowded around me and gave me a hug. Some of them even made that hugging noise, you know that noise you make when you're giving someone you like a hug. Then we thanked each other and went our separate ways.

It's funny because I was just thinking this morning how I miss having someone around to show me affection. It was just what I needed, just when I needed it. I can even forgive them calling me ma'’am. After all I am 30.